On the upside, I haven’t been completely neglecting writing about film. I’ve been writing for Alternative Magazine Online for some time now, so please do go check out my reviews!

The latest? Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1… I’m so cool, I went to see this with my parents. Find out what I thought about it!

When Good Will Hunting appeared on BBC iPlayer last week, I jumped at the chance to watch, knowing that it was somewhere in the IMDB 250 (#198). Truthfully, I wasn’t entirely certain what to expect.

Good Will Hunting could be described as a coming of age tale, despite its protagonist being in his 20s. Will Hunting is a mathematical prodigy working as a mere janitor in M.I.T. Through a scenario involving Will anonymously answering two groundbreaking equations on the chalkboard outside the lecture theatre, his mathematical talents are noticed by the University’s professor of Mathematics, who helps him out of a tight scenario with the law under the condition that he sees a therapist.

What follows is a heartwarming story which sees Will discover that there’s far more to life than boozing, beating up old-time rivals and avoiding responsibility. The dialogue is super snappy and realistic, which is testament to not only the quality of the script but also the actors; don’t you just love it when the dialogue of a film feels so real? Some stellar performances here.

My favourite character by far was Robin Williams’ Sean McGuire, Will’s offbeat therapist, as he provided some of my favourite dialogue in the film. Possibly my favourite moment of the entire film was when Sean speaks about what he remembers about his late wife:

“The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that’s what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they’re not. Ah, that’s the good stuff.”

Quality, quality film.

I knew there would come a point in my mission to educate myself in classic film where I would watch a film and not be able to believe that it’s in my ‘never got around to see’ pile.

The Full Monty is definitely one of those films. Now, it’s not actually placed in the IMDB Top 250, but it certainly should be. The general atmosphere of most British films really appeal to me – personally, I can’t  see the Full Monty working as an American film. The British humour is what makes it fantastic in my opinion, and British films always seem so much more real to me. Does anyone else feel that way? Or is it just because I am British and therefore have more experience and knowledge about that which the director is trying to portray?

While The Full Monty is placed clearly in the comedy bracket, it deals with topical issues such as unemployment, depression and fathers’ rights within a working class community. Set in Sheffield, it follows the story of six unemployed men who decide to go ‘the Full Monty’, i.e, strip for  money, after seeing the crowds that the Chippendale dancers attract. They believe they can go one better than the Chippendales – because they plan to go the whole way!

The best bit in the entire film is this gem of a scene when the lads queue at the Job Centre (annoyingly, the only copy I could find was the Spanish dub, but the dialogue is not important) :

Amazing film.

It’s amazing how you can have more to say about a truly truly terrible film than you do about the good ones.

As you know, I’m trying to educate myself in all things film by catching up on those classics that I’ve never got around to seeing. However last week, instead of watching Saving Private Ryan as planned, I ended up watching the terrible Catwoman, ironically because my kitten had decided that my shoulder would be an AWESOME place to sleep, and I didn’t really want to disturb her lest she bring out the crazy eyes and start tearing up my legs again.

So in the name of kitty-naps I watched this god-awful film with oh so very hammy acting. The plot is terrible; while the latest Batman had a psychopathic terrorist blowing up Gotham, the only Catwoman film involves the evil of… FACIAL MOISTURISERS.

EGAD.

Because of course, women can’t deal with anything other than a dodgy beauty regimen, right? Albeit a regimen that kills, but seriously now. It seems hardly just sheer coincidence that a film revolving around a female superhero’s main conflict is to do with a beauty cream.

But Catwoman, we really need to talk about your costume. It pretty much represents everything that’s wrong with female superheroes’ costumes. I know suspension of belief is needed when it comes to superhero fiction, but just because you possess all the skills of a feline doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t invest in a decent sports bra for all your crime fighting needs.

I mean a push up bra, really? Any female martial artist will tell you that you want those puppies strapped way down. Ever been punched in the boob? It REALLY hurts. Not to mention that the twins aren’t going to be in such great shape after a few years of bobbing around while you perform incomprehensible physical feats as you fight dastardly criminals.

Then there’s the leather. Oh Catwoman, didn’t anyone tell you that leather is not so practical for a life of thwarting evil beauty cream manufacturers? It’s sticky, you’ll get sweaty and hot really easily (even if you do have half your torso hanging out) and really, performing any sort of kick above the waist in those things, as your convoluted fight scenes will clearly demand because we want them to look flashy, is going to be pretty difficult. You should see the sexy trousers I wear to Karate – plenty of crotch room for those flashy kicks. My bum might not look so great in them, but at least I’m not going to get some serious downstairs problems! Also – where are you going to put your keys and your wallet?

And can we please talk about the heels? WHY? Very few women can totter at a decent walking pace in heels, let alone run or kick or cartwheel. I know you’re all cattish and that, but come on now love. Everyone knows that a pair of sensible trainers will save you a lifetime of knee and hip problems.

But obviously no one had practicality in mind when they designed Catwoman’s costume. All that matters is that she looks sexy and has plenty of skin on show. Again, I’m probably missing the point; female superheroes are there to titillate men, right? Or am I mistaken in believing that positive, ass-kicking female protagonists can exist without having to be all pouty and super sexy?

Oh yes they can – Hitgirl’s my personal favourite. Who’s yours?

Previously, ancient history aside, if you mentioned ‘Gladiators’ to me, I’d probably sigh wistfully and remember those joyful childhood Saturday evenings spent watching grown men and women run about in spandex while poking each other with big bits of foam.

Good times.

Turns out Gladiator is also the name of the film at #96 on the IMDB list, starring Russell Crowe as Maximus, the general turned slave turned Gladiator who seeks to bring about the destruction of an empire. It’s pretty epic stuff, full of togas and Collosseum fight scenes involving tigers. Truthfully, I thought I might find this film boring. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good fight scene (as evidenced by the fact that Ong Bak 2 is in my Top 5 films), but something about macho Gladiators muscling around has never really appealed to me.

Despite this expectation, I actually thoroughly enjoyed the film. It’s a little slow to start, opening to battle scenes as the Romans attempt to conquer Germania, and you do spend much of the first twenty minutes wondering how the hell a General so high in the Caesar’s esteem suddenly becomes a Gladiator. Luckily, Maximus’ journey from the dizzying heights of a successful Roman general to the squalor of a man forced to fight for entertainment is not too far-fetched and provides a good source of motivation for the tortured protagonist.

Quote of the film though?

‘You sold me queer giraffes!’

I thought I was going to die laughing. Yes, yes, I know, I’m really childish.

Personally I feel I should get bonus points for watching this while wearing Gladiator sandals. Now whenever I look at them, I shall think of Russell Crowe…

But hey, we’ve all got to start somewhere, and I’ve just ticked one off the list! I’m assuming the rest of the world knows what Forrest Gump is about, but for those that don’t…

Tom Hanks plays a bloke who’s, well, really stupid, but somehow ends up in the most amazing situations with the most significant people of modern American history. Then of course there’s the love of his life, Jenny, or JENNAAAY, whose path crosses with Forrest’s at various interludes.

This film is ridiculously popular, and I can see why. It’s immensely quotable (I wish my Alabama accent was up to scratch) and I loved the way the directors had Gump rubbing shoulders with many a famous personality through the magic of technology. I’m never not going to find ‘Lieutenant Dan, I brought you some ice cream!’ funny.

It feels a little redundant to give some sort of sweeping analysis of the themes and symbolism in the film – I’m fairly certain this has been done time and time again. I enjoyed the film at any rate, even if it is mostly down to the fact that I now understand all those ‘Run Forrest, Run!’ jokes…

It turns out I’m horrendously ignorant when it comes to cinema.

This revelation started out innocently enough with my admission of never having seen Forrest Gump the whole way through. This led to much ridicule from those present, which reminded me a great deal of the time my Jiu-Jitsu friends found out I’d never seen The Karate Kid (I WAS GIVEN PRESSUPS). Cue the inevitable ‘5 classic films you have to have seen’ conversation… Ok, let’s face it, there are a LOT of classics I haven’t seen!

As a consequence, I’ve had a bit of a brainwave… Using the IMDB Top 250 list as a reference point, I’m going to make my way through the classics in a sort of ‘let’s make sure Len never gets ridiculed/pressups for not having seen a film’ crash course in all things cinematic. My coursework? Every Monday I’ll write about the film I’ve seen as proof that I’m actually following through with this crazy plan. I’ll call it Movie Monday, because who doesn’t love a bit of alliteration?

It looks like I’ll be watching a lot of films in the next few months… I’ll make sure to post regular reports about my crash course in the classics, starting with, appropriately, Forrest Gump, coming in at number 38. on the Top 250!

So over to you; what are your Top 5 films? My personal 5 favourites are:

Lola Rennt (Run, Lola, Run)

Fight Club

Ong Bak 2

Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others)

El laberinto del Fauno (Pan’s Labyrinth)

Surprise surprise, two of my five are auf Deutsch…