Bit of a late German Wednesday this time, because I’ve spent all this morning under my bedsheet cover, dosed up on painkillers, trying to get rid of a headache. Yay me!
The first thing that struck me in my first weekend in Koeln was the amount that people just outright stared at us. In all fairness, I assumed it was due to us speaking English and lugging suitcases around, making complete and utter fools of ourselves – who wouldn’t be staring? Also, with English proficiency being something that a great deal of Germans aim towards, you will find yourself being stared at while speaking English because they probably just want to concentrate and see if they can understand what you’re saying.
I know that a lot of the British assistants get quite frustrated with it at times; after all, staring at someone is considered quite rude in the U.K. Does anyone remember a time when, as a child, they stared at something/or someone and then got told ‘Don’t stare!!’ by a guardian? We’re taught that it’s rude to stare, so people in the U.K get sneaky with it. They’ll stare but then as soon as the object of their attention turns towards them, they’ll quickly avert their eyes. In Germany however, it’s not uncommon to have a staring contest on the U-Bahn!
Obviously I’m not saying that every German stares at me rudely on the U-Bahn, but it seems to be less of a big deal if you are. Someone in the U.K’s feathers are likely to be ruffled if someone persistently stared at them. Perhaps it’s more of a case that the British try to stare into open space on a packed train, whereas Germans don’t really give a toss if they just happen to be staring at someone, they’re not really thinking about them anyway.
I’m definitely not the only one who noticed this, there’s a Facebook group entitled ‘You know you’ve studied abroad in Germany when…’, and at number 14… ‘You know what the “German stare” is’.
Don’t missunderstand our stare. It’s a gesture of respect. If you “can’t look someone in his eyes” here, it means that you show him a big amount of disrespect and you don’t like or hate him. Therefore just accept it and stare back with a friendly face and—if you are a pro—say “Hallo”.
Regards from Germany,
André
Hi Andre! Yeah I did notice that eye contact is a big deal when talking to someone, but am I right in thinking that it’s a little different when it comes to public transport? It’s just a very stark difference from the U.K, where people just don’t look at each other on the trains or the buses, or at least not obviously. I don’t find it offensive at all, just interesting.
I knew I couldn’t be the only one! Sometimes I’ve tried to keep staring at them just to see who would win, but I can’t. It’s too rude.
I arrived your blog by typing “german stare” in Google, BTW
Try being African-American in Berlin. The stares come in droves. I’ve tried speaking, saying hallo, but they just continue to stare stupidly and say nothing. It’s very unnerving. Great to know it’s not occurring in the UK. I’m setting my sights there..lol I typed in “German stare” as well.
I’ve done this before. I’m not from Germany, but most of my bloodline is German, my dad is German, and he raised me the same way he was raised there.
I’ve noticed that I stare like that too. And just like Andre’ said, it’s a sign that you respect the person enough (according to how I was raised). Even if you don’t like the person, you should still show them respect. So don’t take it too seriously.
~Have fun in Germany, the winters there are beautiful!~
If you are from the UK, USA, Canada or any of the English speaking countries you will get a culture shock when you experience the German stare down. They do not back off with the stare either. You will not win in a stare down contest with a German. It a real shock and a little bit terrifying.
But pay the stare no mind. The stare is just something that is of German culture that has been passed down from generation to generation. A rude gesture in most other countries but normal in Germany.
Norma P.
I went to germany for the first time this winter, and I couldn’t help but to ask my german friend about the stare, i am glad i did and did google it as per what he told me that the ‘german stare’ is commonly discussed on the web! And interesting it also explained why my german friend always looked away during our conversations to stare at people around us.
Only recently I learned for the first time about our (I’m Geman) habbit of starring at other people. And since then I really try to witness one of those “german staring events” – but I had no “luck” until now. I can assure you – staring is not a german cultural asset we get taught somewhere in Kindergarden – it’s rude to stare at someone in our perception as well and if I detect someone, who is tracking me agressively with his eyes I feel as uneasy as you described it.
So I don’t think we stare to be rude towards someone. But I would admit we sometimes observe. It’s not meant in an offensive way. Janny describes it in her comment (15.08-2010) at http://www.expatica.com/de/life-in-germany/expat_voices/Jennifer-Padgett-Bohle-on-living-in-Germany_16234.html in a very good way.
The best advice I could give you is “Just don’t care”.
Some other commentators say it’s a sign of respect. Honestly, I don’t know where they get that idea. Some guy on the train seated a few rows further off is staring at you unflinchingly, to show respect? Neighbors peering off balconies and out of windows, out of respect?
No, I think it’s nosiness mainly, and also I get the feeling it’s just something their society never really made any rules about. Like in other western countries we are told as kids “don’t stare, it’s rude”, as kind of an unwritten rule in society. I think they just don’t have that, even though some of them would consider it rude as well.
I’m not sure about nosiness as such – purely because I know plenty of nosy Brits who don’t stare!
[...] he discusses. Another blogger, Elena Cresci, also wrote about this in 2010 in her post, “German Wednesdays” arguing that perhaps, at least for her it was the fact that she was speaking English. A [...]
i am english and have a new german dentist. when i walked into the office and looked at him direct to ask for help and show him my bad tooth he said id need it pulled out. When i asked which one, still staring in his eyes he turned quickly. he never answered me. now when i go in the chair i feel he is staring but close up. now this makes me uneasy. I feel like hes coming onto me or something. I look away and i no it bothers him. so i spoke to a german friend, who said look in his eyes alittle but not to long when your in the chair. if i look to long i scare him, if i look not enough its no respect, so for about 10 seconds or longer. he said you can trust each other then. so hope this helps everyone